AQA GCSE English Language 8700/1 - Explorations in creative ...

Mark Scheme

Introduction

The information provided for each question is intended to be a guide to the kind of answers anticipated and is neither exhaustive nor prescriptive. All appropriate responses should be given credit.

Level of response marking instructions

Level of response mark schemes are broken down into four levels (where appropriate). Read through the student's answer and annotate it (as instructed) to show the qualities that are being looked for. You can then award a mark.

You should refer to the standardising material throughout your marking. The Indicative Standard is not intended to be a model answer nor a complete response, and it does not exemplify required content. It is an indication of the quality of response that is typical for each level and shows progression from Level 1 to 4.

Step 1 Determine a level

Start at the lowest level of the mark scheme and use it as a ladder to see whether the answer meets the descriptors for that level. If it meets the lowest level then go to the next one and decide if it meets this level, and so on, until you have a match between the level descriptor and the answer. With practice and familiarity you will be able to quickly skip through the lower levels for better answers. The Indicative Standard column in the mark scheme will help you determine the correct level.

Step 2 Determine a mark

Once you have assigned a level you need to decide on the mark. Balance the range of skills achieved; allow strong performance in some aspects to compensate for others only partially fulfilled. Refer to the standardising scripts to compare standards and allocate a mark accordingly. Re-read as needed to assure yourself that the level and mark are appropriate. An answer which contains nothing of relevance must be awarded no marks.

Advice for Examiners

In fairness to students, all examiners must use the same marking methods.

1. Refer constantly to the mark scheme and standardising scripts throughout the marking period.
2. Always credit accurate, relevant and appropriate responses that are not necessarily covered by the mark scheme or the standardising scripts.
3. Use the full range of marks. Do not hesitate to give full marks if the response merits it.
4. Remember the key to accurate and fair marking is consistency.
5. If you have any doubt about how to allocate marks to a response, consult your Team Leader.

SECTION A: READING - Assessment Objectives

AO1

• Identify and interpret explicit and implicit information and ideas.
• Select and synthesise evidence from different texts.

AO2

• Explain, comment on and analyse how writers use language and structure to achieve effects and influence readers, using relevant subject terminology to support their views.

AO3

• Compare writers' ideas and perspectives, as well as how these are conveyed, across two or more texts.

AO4

• Evaluate texts critically and support this with appropriate textual references.

SECTION B: WRITING - Assessment Objectives

AO5 (Writing: Content and Organisation)

• Communicate clearly, effectively and imaginatively, selecting and adapting tone, style and register for different forms, purposes and audiences.
• Organise information and ideas, using structural and grammatical features to support coherence and cohesion of texts.

AO6

• Candidates must use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures for clarity, purpose and effect, with accurate spelling and punctuation. (This requirement must constitute 20% of the marks for each specification as a whole).

Answers

Question 1 - Mark Scheme

Read again the first part of the source, from lines 1 to 9. Answer all parts of this question. Choose one answer for each. [4 marks]

Assessment focus (AO1): Identify and interpret explicit and implicit information and ideas. This assesses bullet point 1 (identify and interpret explicit and implicit information and ideas).

• What does the narrator proceed to get in?: a side ladder – 1 mark
• How does the narrator describe the ladder?: a light affair – 1 mark
• What happens when the narrator tugs on the side ladder?: The ladder stays firm and throws the narrator off balance. – 1 mark
• What was the narrator astounded by regarding the ladder?: the ladder’s immovableness – 1 mark

Question 2 - Mark Scheme

Look in detail at this extract, from lines 6 to 20 of the source:

6 remained stock-still, trying to account for it to myself like that imbecile mate of mine. In the end, of course, I put my head over the rail. The side of the ship made an opaque belt of shadow on the darkling glassy shimmer of the sea. But I saw at once something elongated and pale floating

11 very close to the ladder. Before I could form a guess a faint flash of phosphorescent light, which seemed to issue suddenly from the naked body of a man, flickered in the sleeping water with the elusive, silent play of summer lightning in a night sky. With a gasp I saw revealed to my stare a pair of feet, the long legs, a broad livid back immersed right up to the neck in a

16 greenish cadaverous glow. One hand, awash, clutched the bottom rung of the ladder. He was complete but for the head. A headless corpse! The cigar dropped out of my gaping mouth with a tiny plop and a short hiss quite audible in the absolute stillness of all things under heaven. At that I suppose he raised up his face, a dimly pale oval in the shadow of the ship’s side. But even then I

How does the writer use language here to create a sense of shock and mystery around the figure in the water? You could include the writer's choice of:

• words and phrases
• language features and techniques
• sentence forms.

[8 marks]

Question 2 (AO2) – Language Analysis (8 marks)

Explain, comment on and analyse how writers use language and structure to achieve effects and influence readers, using relevant subject terminology to support their views. This question assesses language (words, phrases, features, techniques, sentence forms).

Level 4 (Perceptive, detailed analysis) – 7–8 marks Shows perceptive and detailed understanding of language: analyses effects of choices; selects judicious detail; sophisticated and accurate terminology. Indicative Standard: A typical Level 4 response would offer a sophisticated analysis of how the writer juxtaposes the ethereal, mysterious imagery of the "elusive, silent play of summer lightning" with the visceral shock of morbid lexis like "livid back" and "cadaverous glow," culminating in the fragmented exclamatory sentence, "A headless corpse!", which mirrors the narrator’s shattered perception and breaks the preceding tension.

The writer immediately builds a sense of mystery and shock through unsettling and macabre imagery. The figure is initially described vaguely as "something elongated and pale," with the ambiguous language creating suspense before it is revealed to have a "greenish cadaverous glow." The adjective "cadaverous" explicitly suggests a corpse, creating a feeling of shock. However, this is juxtaposed with the word "glow," which introduces a supernatural, mysterious quality. This contradiction deeply unnerves the reader, as the source of this eerie light remains unexplained, making the figure seem both horrifying and perplexingly unnatural. The colour "greenish" further compounds this, suggesting sickness and decay.

Furthermore, the writer manipulates sentence structure to powerfully convey the narrator’s moment of peak shock. After a series of long, descriptive sentences that build tension, the narrative is violently punctuated by the short, exclamatory minor sentence: "A headless corpse!". This sudden structural shift mirrors the narrator's panicked, fragmented thought process, breaking the eerie calm and crystallising his horror into a single, stark realisation. This shock is immediately reinforced through the narrator's physical reaction as his "cigar dropped out of my gaping mouth," an action which serves to underline the genuine, overwhelming nature of his visceral fright.

Additionally, the mystery is intensified by the way the extract deliberately contradicts itself to keep the reader in suspense. After the definitive declaration of a "headless corpse," the figure shockingly "raised up his face," proving the narrator’s assumption false and deepening the mystery. The face itself is only a "dimly pale oval," withholding any clear detail and maintaining its enigmatic quality. The narrative then concludes with the sentence fragment "But even then I," abruptly cutting off the narrator’s thought. This unresolved syntax leaves the reader in a state of heightened tension, perfectly ensuring the mystery surrounding the figure remains entirely intact.

Level 3 (Clear, relevant explanation) – 5–6 marks Shows clear understanding; explains effects; relevant detail; clear and accurate terminology. Indicative Standard: A Level 3 response will clearly explain how the writer uses mysterious phrases like "something elongated and pale" to create suspense before delivering a shock with the morbid adjective "cadaverous" and the blunt, exclamatory sentence "A headless corpse!" to reveal the horrifying nature of the figure.

The writer uses language to build mystery by being deliberately vague. At first, the narrator only sees "something elongated and pale floating". The vague noun "something" creates mystery as the reader, like the narrator, cannot identify the figure. This forces the reader to guess what it might be, building a sense of suspense. The writer then adds a simile, describing a flash of light as like the "elusive, silent play of summer lightning". The word "elusive" suggests the figure is hard to see clearly, adding to the mystery of what is in the water.

Furthermore, the writer creates a sudden sense of shock using powerful adjectives and sentence structure. The figure is described with a "greenish cadaverous glow". The adjective "cadaverous" means like a corpse, which is a shocking image that suggests the figure is dead. This shock is confirmed with the short, exclamatory sentence, "A headless corpse!". The suddenness of this short sentence after longer, descriptive ones reflects the narrator’s own gasp of horror. This sudden reveal shocks the reader and confirms the terrifying nature of the figure in the water, moving from mystery to outright horror.

Level 2 (Some understanding and comment) – 3–4 marks Attempts to comment on effects; some appropriate detail; some use of terminology. Indicative Standard: Level 2: Some understanding and comment

The writer uses the short, exclamatory sentence “A headless corpse!” to show the narrator’s shock at what he sees, and describes the body using mysterious words like “greenish cadaverous glow” to make the reader wonder what it is.

The writer uses words and phrases to create mystery. At first, the writer describes the figure as “something elongated and pale”. This choice of words makes the figure seem mysterious because the narrator cannot tell what it is, only describing its shape and colour. This makes the reader feel unsure and curious about what is floating in the water. The word “something” shows it is an unknown object, which adds to the mystery.

Furthermore, the writer uses a short sentence to create a sense of shock. The narrator shouts “A headless corpse!”. This is an exclamation, which shows his sudden shock and horror at what he is seeing. This is a shocking image for the reader too. The writer also shows the narrator's shock when his “cigar dropped out of my gaping mouth”. This shows a physical reaction, which proves he is shocked.

Level 1 (Simple, limited comment) – 1–2 marks Simple awareness; simple comment; simple references; simple terminology. Indicative Standard: The writer shows shock by using the exclamation “A headless corpse!” and the word “gasp”. It is mysterious at first because the narrator only sees “something elongated and pale”, which makes the reader unsure of what it is.

The writer uses language to create shock with the short sentence “A headless corpse!”. This is an exclamation, and it is shocking because it suggests something horrible has happened. It makes the reader feel the narrator’s surprise. It is a mystery because the body has no head.

Furthermore, the writer uses adjectives to make the figure seem mysterious. He describes the body as “elongated and pale”. The word “pale” makes the body sound strange and maybe like a ghost. This creates mystery as the reader does not know what this thing is.

Level 0 – No marks: Nothing to reward.

AO2 content may include the effects of language features such as:

• The writer creates immediate tension through the narrator’s physical paralysis, who remained stock-still, suggesting a sense of foreboding and shock.
• Initial mystery is built using the vague noun phrase something elongated and pale, deliberately withholding information to make the figure unsettling.
• A simile comparing the light to the elusive, silent play of summer lightning suggests the figure is mysterious and supernatural.
• The morbid colour imagery in greenish cadaverous glow creates shock by associating the figure directly with death and decay.
• The writer uses a short, exclamatory sentence, A headless corpse!, to deliver a moment of pure horror after a slow, partial reveal of the body.
• The narrator’s physical shock is shown as his cigar dropped out of my gaping mouth, with the onomatopoeic plop amplifying the profound stillness.
• Personification of the sleeping water creates a stark contrast with the sudden light and movement, making the figure’s appearance jarring.
• A final twist subverts the reader's shock and deepens the mystery as the supposedly headless figure then raised up his face.
• The adjectives livid and cadaverous create a semantic field of death, building a sustained sense of horror around the mysterious body.

Question 3 - Mark Scheme

You now need to think about the structure of the source as a whole. This text is from the start of a story.

How has the writer structured the text to create a sense of suspense?

You could write about:

• how suspense builds throughout the source
• how the writer uses structure to create an effect
• the writer's use of any other structural features, such as changes in mood, tone or perspective. [8 marks]

Question 3 (AO2) – Structural Analysis (8 marks)

Assesses structure (pivotal point, juxtaposition, flashback, focus shifts, mood/tone, contrast, narrative pace, etc.).

Level 4 (Perceptive, detailed analysis) – 7–8 marks Analyses effects of structural choices; judicious examples; sophisticated terminology. Indicative Standard: A Level 4 response would perceptively analyse how the writer structures the text to manipulate the reader, building suspense through a slow-paced, partial reveal that culminates in the narrator's horrifying but incorrect conclusion of a "headless corpse!", before deliberately shifting the source of tension from gruesome horror to quiet intrigue with the introduction of clipped, mysterious dialogue.

Initially, the writer structures the text to build suspense by beginning in media res and immediately establishing an enigma with the immoveable ladder. The narrative focus then deliberately narrows from the wider ship’s deck, to looking “over the rail,” and finally down to the “elongated and pale” shape in the sea. This gradual, controlled reveal of information forces the reader into the narrator's limited perspective, making them an active participant in the discovery. By withholding the full picture and guiding the reader’s eyeline step-by-step, the writer masterfully builds a sense of dread and heightens the tension surrounding the mysterious object in the water.

Furthermore, the writer employs a dramatic structural pivot to manipulate and intensify the reader's suspense. The tension peaks with the horrifying exclamation, “A headless corpse!”, creating a moment of pure gothic shock. However, this climax is immediately subverted when the narrator realises the man has a head. This calculated shift from supernatural horror to a more complex human mystery is a powerful structural device. It resolves the initial, terrifying image but immediately replaces it with a more nuanced suspense focused on the man’s identity and motives, ensuring the reader remains thoroughly engaged by changing the very nature of the narrative's central question.

Finally, the structure shifts to fragmented dialogue, which slows the narrative pace and creates an intensely secretive atmosphere. The short, clipped lines like, “Are you alone on deck?” / “Yes,” are fraught with caution and suspicion. This tense exchange builds towards the text's concluding climax: the narrator’s declaration, "I am the captain." This revelation serves as a cliffhanger, resolving the man’s immediate uncertainty but introducing a far greater moral dilemma as he presents his choice. This leaves the reader in a state of heightened suspense, compelled to discover the captain’s decision and Leggatt’s fate.

Level 3 (Clear, relevant explanation) – 5–6 marks Explains effects; relevant examples; clear terminology. Indicative Standard: A typical Level 3 response identifies the structural build-up of suspense from the initial mystery to the shocking misinterpretation of a "headless corpse", before clearly explaining how the text then shifts focus to a slow-paced, tense dialogue after the narrator reveals, "I am the captain", which resolves the initial horror but creates a new kind of interpersonal tension.

The writer structures the text to create suspense by starting with an immediate problem. At the beginning, the narrator cannot pull up the ladder and is "astounded by the immovableness". This immediately creates a sense of mystery and makes the reader curious to find out what is causing the obstruction. This initial puzzle builds suspense by making the reader share the narrator’s confusion and encouraging them to read on to find the answer.

Furthermore, suspense is built through a slow reveal of what is in the water. The writer shifts the focus to the sea, first describing "something elongated and pale," before the shocking discovery of a "headless corpse!". By revealing the body in stages, the pace is slowed down and tension increases as the reader waits for the full picture. The short, dramatic sentence used for the discovery makes this moment feel very sudden and shocking, heightening the suspense for the reader.

Finally, the introduction of dialogue towards the end maintains the suspense. The exchange between the two men uses short, clipped sentences like "Cramp" and "Yes". This creates a secretive and tense atmosphere. The reader is still left with many questions about the mysterious man, and the ending leaves them in suspense, wanting to know what will happen next.

Level 2 (Some understanding and comment) – 3–4 marks Attempts to comment; some examples; some terminology. Indicative Standard: The writer creates suspense by first building up the image of a dead body, culminating in the narrator's horror at seeing "A headless corpse!", before structurally shifting the focus to dialogue, which creates a new mystery about who the man is.

At the start, the writer builds suspense by focusing on a problem. The narrator tries to pull up a ladder but finds it is "immovable". This is a mystery and makes the reader wonder what is holding it back, creating suspense straight away.

Then, the suspense increases when the focus shifts to what is in the water. The writer slowly reveals what the narrator sees, building up to the shocking moment when he thinks it is a “headless corpse!”. This makes the reader feel tense and worried because they think something terrible has happened.

Finally, the structure changes to dialogue. The short questions and answers between the two men, like “Are you alone on deck?” followed by “Yes,” create more mystery. The reader is still in suspense because they want to know who this mystery man is and what he is doing.

Level 1 (Simple, limited comment) – 1–2 marks Simple awareness; simple references; simple terminology. Indicative Standard: Level 1: Simple, limited comments

The writer creates suspense by first showing a “headless corpse” which is scary, but then he structures it so the man speaks, which makes the reader wonder what is happening.

The writer starts by creating a problem with the ladder to build suspense. The narrator can’t move it, which makes the reader wonder what is wrong. Then, the writer uses the short sentence ‘A headless corpse!’. This is a big shock and adds to the suspense because the reader thinks someone is dead.

Later, the writer uses dialogue. The short questions and answers between the two men are mysterious and make the reader ask who the strange man is. This adds more suspense and makes you want to read on.

Level 0 – No marks: Nothing to reward.

AO2 content may include the effect of structural features such as:

• The structure opens in media res with a minor physical puzzle, creating immediate intrigue with the immovableness of that ladder.
• The writer slows the pace, focusing on the narrator's investigation to build tension before revealing the elongated and pale floating shape.
• A short, exclamatory sentence is used as a climax of horror, shocking the reader with the sudden confirmation of a headless corpse!.
• Suspense is then shifted and sustained by immediately subverting this climax, as the narrator sees the man raised up his face.
• The introduction of short, clipped dialogue breaks the narrative description, increasing tension and mystery about the man's motives with no need to call anyone.
• A structural shift in perspective moves from initial sensory confusion to focused observation as the narrator leans over to bring my eyes nearer.
• The writer withholds key information until the final section, creating a turning point with the simple, declarative sentence I am the captain.
• The ending creates a cliffhanger, leaving the reader in suspense by structuring the narrative around Leggatt's final, unresolved choice of whether to come on board here.

Question 4 - Mark Scheme

For this question focus on the second part of the source, from line 16 to the end.

In this part of the source, the man in the water is first described as a horrifying headless body. The writer suggests this shock is misleading, as the man turns out to be surprisingly calm and in control.

To what extent do you agree and/or disagree with this statement?

In your response, you could:

• consider your impressions of the man in the water
• comment on the methods the writer uses to portray the man in the water
• support your response with references to the text. [20 marks]

Question 4 (AO4) – Critical Evaluation (20 marks)

Evaluate texts critically and support with appropriate textual references.

Level 4 (Perceptive, detailed evaluation) – 16–20 marks Perceptive ideas; perceptive methods; critical detail on impact; judicious detail. Indicative Standard: A Level 4 response would likely agree with the statement, evaluating how the writer deliberately juxtaposes the initial shocking image of a "headless corpse" with the man's surprising self-possession, which is revealed not through panic but through his understated dialogue and ultimately "calm and resolute" voice to emphasise his extraordinary mental control.

I largely agree with the statement that the initial horrifying impression of the man is revealed to be misleading, as the writer skilfully develops his character into a figure of remarkable calm and control. The writer masterfully engineers a shift in perception, moving the reader from a moment of gothic terror to an appreciation of the man’s profound self-possession in a perilous situation.

Initially, the writer deliberately crafts a deeply unsettling and macabre image to generate maximum shock. The man is first perceived through a "greenish cadaverous glow," where the visceral adjective 'cadaverous' immediately associates him with death and decay. This chilling visual is intensified by the narrator’s panicked exclamatory sentence, "A headless corpse!", which encapsulates the sheer horror of the sight. The writer uses the narrator's physical reaction—a "horrid, frost-bound sensation"—as a powerful metaphor to convey how this shocking image grips both the character and the reader with an paralysing fear, confirming the first part of the statement is entirely accurate.

However, this initial terror is masterfully subverted as the writer reveals the man’s true nature. The simile comparing him to "a resting swimmer" immediately recasts the character, replacing the image of a corpse with one of casual, almost athletic, ease. This completely dismantles the reader's first impression. Furthermore, his initial dialogue is shockingly understated. When asked "What's the matter?", his monosyllabic reply, "Cramp," is a mundane complaint that feels utterly incongruous with his life-threatening situation. This anticlimax highlights his extraordinary composure, demonstrating that the initial shock was indeed profoundly misleading. He is not a victim in panicked disarray, but someone assessing their circumstances.

As the encounter develops, this composure solidifies into active control. The writer uses dialogue to show the man methodically gathering information with questions like, "Are you alone on deck?". This portrays a tactical mind, not a desperate one. While the statement claims he is "surprisingly calm", the writer subtly adds a layer of psychological complexity, noting "He seemed to struggle with himself" and a "hesitating effort". This detail doesn't undermine his control, but rather enriches it, suggesting his calmness is not an absence of fear but a hard-won victory over it. His final, resolute declaration that the "question for me now is whether I am to let go... or--to come on board" demonstrates ultimate control over his own fate, presenting a stark, logical choice.

In conclusion, I fully agree that the writer orchestrates a dramatic shift from horror to admiration. The initial shock of the ‘headless corpse’ is powerfully contrasted with the man’s subsequent rational and controlled demeanour. Ultimately, the writer uses this revelation to create a compelling portrait of human resilience and willpower, proving the first impression to be not just misleading, but the complete opposite of the man’s true character.

Level 3 (Clear, relevant evaluation) – 11–15 marks Clear ideas; clear methods; clear evaluation of impact; relevant references. Indicative Standard: A typical Level 3 response would agree with the statement, explaining that the initial shock of seeing a "headless corpse!" is deliberately undermined by the writer, who reveals the man's surprising control through his understated dialogue like "Cramp" and his ultimately "calm and resolute" voice.

I agree with the statement that the man is first shown as a horrifying figure, but that this initial shock is misleading as he is revealed to be surprisingly calm and in control. The writer carefully manages this change in impression throughout the extract.

At the start, the writer creates a sense of horror. The man is described as a "headless corpse" and having a "greenish cadaverous glow." The use of the word "cadaverous" makes the body sound dead and unnatural, which shocks the reader. The narrator's dramatic reaction, dropping his cigar with a "tiny plop," highlights how terrifying the sight is. This initial description effectively supports the idea that the man is presented as a horrifying figure, creating a moment of mystery and fear for the reader.

However, the writer quickly suggests this first impression is misleading. The simile describing the man as hanging "like a resting swimmer" completely changes our view of him. This image is much more relaxed and normal, contrasting with the idea of a "headless corpse." The man’s calm dialogue also shows he is not the monster the narrator first thought. His first word is simply "Cramp," which is an ordinary, understated explanation for his situation. This is surprisingly calm for someone who has been in the water for hours and shows he is not panicking.

By the end of the extract, the man is clearly shown to be in control. After the captain reveals his identity, Leggatt's voice is described as "calm and resolute." The adjective "resolute" shows he is determined and in command of himself, despite being physically exhausted. He clearly lays out his options to the captain: either "go on swimming till I sink" or "come on board." This logical summary of his own life-or-death situation proves his self-possession and control.

Overall, I fully agree with the statement. The writer skilfully moves the reader from a feeling of horror to one of admiration for the man's composure, using contrasting imagery and calm dialogue to show that the initial shock was indeed misleading.

Level 2 (Some evaluation) – 6–10 marks Some understanding; some methods; some evaluative comments; some references. Indicative Standard: A typical Level 2 response will show some understanding by agreeing with the statement, identifying the initial description of the man as a ‘headless corpse’ and contrasting this with simple evidence of his composure, such as his voice being ‘calm and resolute’.

I agree with the statement that the writer first makes the man in the water seem horrifying, but then shows that this is misleading and the man is actually calm and in control.

At the start, the writer makes the man seem very scary. The narrator describes him with a “greenish cadaverous glow” and thinks he is a “headless corpse!”. The use of an exclamation mark here shows the narrator’s shock and horror, which also makes the reader feel shocked. The writer uses this dramatic description to create a mystery and make us think something supernatural is happening. It is a very effective way to make the reader feel unsettled, as we see the body through the narrator’s terrified eyes.

However, the writer then shows this first impression is misleading. When the man speaks, his voice is quiet and he simply says “Cramp”. This is not what you would expect from a horrifying corpse. Later, his voice is described as “calm and resolute” when he says his name. The writer uses this calm dialogue to contrast with the earlier scary description. It suggests the man is not a monster, but someone who is in a difficult situation and is trying to handle it. He is surprisingly in control even though he has been in the water since nine o’clock.

Overall, I agree with the statement because the writer deliberately misleads the reader at first. He creates a horrifying image of a headless body, but then cleverly uses the man’s calm actions and words to show that he is actually a self-possessed person in a desperate situation.

Level 1 (Simple, limited) – 1–5 marks Simple ideas; limited methods; simple evaluation; simple references. Indicative Standard: Level 1: Simple, limited comments

Level 1 responses will likely offer a simple agreement with the statement, pointing to the initial description of the man as a "headless corpse" but then noting that he has a "calm and resolute" voice later on.

I agree with the statement. At the start, the writer does make the man in the water seem like a horrifying body, but this is misleading because he is actually very calm.

First, the writer makes the man seem scary. The narrator shouts “A headless corpse!”. The writer uses an exclamation mark to show that the narrator is shocked. This makes the man seem horrifying. The description of the body with a “greenish cadaverous glow” also makes him sound like he is dead, which is scary for the reader to imagine and shows how horrifying the man looks at first.

But then, the writer shows this first impression is wrong. The man is not panicking in the water. When the narrator asks what is wrong, the man just says “Cramp”. He speaks quietly and doesn’t shout for help. At the end, the narrator says the man’s voice was “calm and resolute”. This shows he is surprisingly in control of himself.

Overall, I agree with the statement. The writer shocks the reader by describing a headless body, but this is misleading. The man turns out to be very calm and in control, which is surprising after how he is first described.

Level 0 – No marks: Nothing to reward. Note: Reference to methods and explicit “I agree/I disagree” may be implicit and still credited according to quality.

AO4 content may include the evaluation of ideas and methods such as:

• The man’s initial stillness is convincing, as the writer uses the simile like a resting swimmer to create a perplexing sense of calm that contrasts with the dangerous situation.
• The writer effectively builds an impression of control through the man’s understated dialogue, like his monosyllabic reply "Cramp", which minimises his own life-threatening predicament.
• A sense of calm is powerfully conveyed through the bizarrely mundane request for the time, a method used to show the man’s rational mind is still in control despite his physical state.
• The portrayal of total control is effectively challenged by the writer, who reveals the man’s internal conflict through the "low, bitter murmur of doubt", exposing his hidden despair.
• The writer subtly undermines the man’s composure by describing his speech as a "hesitating effort", suggesting his calm exterior is a mask for extreme exhaustion and vulnerability.
• The idea of the man being in control is convincingly reinforced when he gives his name with a "calm and resolute" voice, a decisive action that impresses the narrator.
• The writer validates the man’s surprising composure by showing its direct impact on the narrator, whose own state is influenced by the man’s remarkable "self-possession".
• The man’s final, logical ultimatum powerfully cements the impression of control, as he frames his potential death as a rational choice rather than a desperate inevitability.
• The writer’s unsettling imagery of the man as "ghastly, silvery, fishlike" critiques the idea of simple calmness, instead suggesting something mysterious and unnatural about him.

Question 5 - Mark Scheme

Next month, your school's eco club will publish a page of student creative writing on its website.

Choose one of the options below for your entry.

• Option A: Describe a winter hedgerow beside a field from your imagination. You may choose to use the picture provided for ideas:

• Option B: Write the opening of a story about two strangers whose lives are worlds apart.

(24 marks for content and organisation, 16 marks for technical accuracy) [40 marks]

(24 marks for content and organisation • 16 marks for technical accuracy) [40 marks]

Question 5 (AO5) – Content & Organisation (24 marks)

Communicate clearly, effectively and imaginatively; organise information and ideas to support coherence and cohesion. Levels and typical features follow AQA’s SAMs grid for descriptive/narrative writing. Use the Level 4 → Level 1 descriptors for content and organisation, distinguishing Upper/Lower bands within Levels 4–3–2.

• Level 4 (19–24 marks) Upper 22–24: Convincing and compelling; assured register; extensive and ambitious vocabulary; varied and inventive structure; compelling ideas; fluent paragraphing with seamless discourse markers.

Lower 19–21: Convincing; extensive vocabulary; varied and effective structure; highly engaging with developed complex ideas; consistently coherent paragraphs.

• Level 3 (13–18 marks) Upper 16–18: Consistently clear; register matched; increasingly sophisticated vocabulary and phrasing; effective structural features; engaging, clear connected ideas; coherent paragraphs with integrated markers.

Lower 13–15: Generally clear; vocabulary chosen for effect; usually effective structure; engaging with connected ideas; usually coherent paragraphs.

• Level 2 (7–12 marks) Upper 10–12: Some sustained success; some sustained matching of register/purpose; conscious vocabulary; some devices; some structural features; increasing variety of linked ideas; some paragraphs and markers.

Lower 7–9: Some success; attempts to match register/purpose; attempts to vary vocabulary; attempts structural features; some linked ideas; attempts at paragraphing with markers.

• Level 1 (1–6 marks) Upper 4–6: Simple communication; simple awareness of register/purpose; simple vocabulary/devices; evidence of simple structural features; one or two relevant ideas; random paragraphing.

Lower 1–3: Limited communication; occasional sense of audience/purpose; limited or no structural features; one or two unlinked ideas; no paragraphs.

Level 0: Nothing to reward. NB: If a candidate does not directly address the focus of the task, cap AO5 at 12 (top of Level 2).

Question 5 (AO6) – Technical Accuracy (16 marks)

Students must use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures for clarity, purpose and effect, with accurate spelling and punctuation.

• Level 4 (13–16): Consistently secure demarcation; wide range of punctuation with high accuracy; full range of sentence forms; secure Standard English and complex grammar; high accuracy in spelling, including ambitious vocabulary; extensive and ambitious vocabulary.

• Level 3 (9–12): Mostly secure demarcation; range of punctuation mostly successful; variety of sentence forms; mostly appropriate Standard English; generally accurate spelling including complex/irregular words; increasingly sophisticated vocabulary.

• Level 2 (5–8): Mostly secure demarcation (sometimes accurate); some control of punctuation range; attempts variety of sentence forms; some use of Standard English; some accurate spelling of more complex words; varied vocabulary.

• Level 1 (1–4): Occasional demarcation; some evidence of conscious punctuation; simple sentence forms; occasional Standard English; accurate basic spelling; simple vocabulary.

• Level 0: Spelling, punctuation, etc., are sufficiently poor to prevent understanding or meaning.

Model Answers

The following model answers demonstrate both AO5 (Content & Organisation) and AO6 (Technical Accuracy) at each level. Each response shows the expected standard for both assessment objectives.

• Level 4 Upper (22-24 marks for AO5, 13-16 marks for AO6, 35-40 marks total)

Option A:

A profound silence, stitched only by the crisp, brittle snap of my own footfall; it was a silence that belonged entirely to winter. Before me, against the bleached canvas of a dormant field, the hedgerow huddled against the horizon. It was not a neat, manicured boundary, but a chaotic, sprawling barricade that marked the edge of the tamed world and the beginning of the wild. The air, thin and sharp, tasted of iron and ice.

It was less a living thing and more an intricate sculpture of stasis. A skeletal tangle of hawthorn, blackthorn, and the ghostly arms of old man's beard wove together, each twig and thorn meticulously outlined by a crystalline filigree of frost. This was not the soft dusting of a gentle cold, but a hard, needle-sharp rime that had armoured every surface. In the low, anaemic light of the mid-morning sun, the entire structure seemed to be spun from shattered glass, delicate yet unyielding. It was a masterpiece of frozen architecture.

Yet, amidst this monochromatic austerity, life defiantly persisted. Clustered like tiny rubies against the white, hawthorn berries glowed with an internal fire. They were nature’s last rebellion against the encroaching frost-king; each tiny orb a pinprick of defiant colour on a linen shroud. They were more than mere fruit—they were a promise, a memory of autumn’s warmth locked in a cryogenic sleep. These were the tiny, defiant hearts beating within the hedgerow’s frozen ribcage.

To the casual eye, the edifice was lifeless, a monument to the death of the year. But stillness is not absence. A sudden, furtive rustle from deep within the bramble-fortress betrayed a hidden occupant: a wren, perhaps—a tiny, feathered nerve of energy burrowing for survival in the labyrinthine corridors. The cold had silenced the birdsong, but it had not extinguished the birds. The wind, a listless sigh through the skeletal branches, carried no scent of leaf or flower, only the clean, desolate perfume of frozen earth.

Beyond this tangled spine, the field stretched away, its frosted furrows like the shallow ribs of some great, sleeping beast. The hedgerow stood as a borderland, a sanctuary between the exposed emptiness of the field and the distant, skeletal woods. It was a testament, written in frost and berry, that even in the deepest sleep of the world, a pulse remains—persistent, resilient, and waiting patiently for the sun’s return.

Option B:

From his vantage point on the fiftieth floor, where the air was filtered and London’s cacophony was reduced to a muted hum, Alistair adjusted the knot of his silk tie. The glass was cold against his palm; the city below wasn’t a real place but an abstract map of blinking lights and crawling vehicles. His penthouse was a hermetically-sealed chamber of minimalist furniture and oppressive silence, a gallery curated for a man who owned everything and cherished nothing. He saw his reflection in the floor-to-ceiling window: a sharp suit, a face etched with precision and fatigue, a ghost haunting its own life. He felt nothing.

Fifty floors below, Maya felt everything. She felt the gnawing November wind that slipped through the holes in her woollen gloves, turning her fingertips to clumsy blocks of ice. She felt the indifferent stares of pedestrians, their faces buried in scarves and screens. Most of all, she felt the resonant grain of her battered acoustic guitar, its wood a familiar and solitary warmth against her damp jacket. It was her only shield against the city’s relentless assault. A single, discordant chord escaped her numb fingers, a jarring splash of sound in the grey afternoon.

A black leviathan of a car, silent as a shark gliding through the abyss, slid past the curb. It didn't so much drive as flow, its polished obsidian shell impervious to the drizzle that coated everything else in a grimy film. As its rear wheel hit a crater-like puddle, it unleashed a viscous wave of grey, icy water. The deluge hit Maya with the force of a physical blow, soaking her jeans to the knee and spattering the face of her guitar with the city’s detritus.

Inside the car, Alistair barely registered the event. The world outside was an ephemeral smear of colour and rain, a moving watercolour he had no interest in interpreting. A fleeting shape on the pavement – a girl with a guitar, he thought – was momentarily illuminated by a passing streetlamp before vanishing back into the gloom. He dismissed it instantly. His mind was already three steps ahead, dissecting the vulnerabilities of a rival corporation. What was a minor disturbance on the road compared to the art of a billion-pound acquisition?

A curse died on Maya’s lips, frozen by a sudden, profound exhaustion. She watched the car’s twin red tail lights receding into the rain, two indifferent eyes winking out of existence. One of its tyres was probably worth more than everything she owned. Shivering, she wiped the gritty water from her guitar with her sleeve, the motion both tender and futile. Then, she took a breath, repositioned her frozen fingers, and sent a defiant, fragile chord cascading into the uncaring air.

• Level 4 Lower (19-21 marks for AO5, 13-16 marks for AO6, 32-37 marks total)

Option A:

The cold was absolute, a presence that saturated the very air and stole the colour from the world. Before me, the field stretched out, a stiff, white canvas of frost-hardened earth under a sky the colour of pale stone. Bisecting this monochrome emptiness was the hedgerow: a jagged seam of darkness stitched across the landscape. It was a chaotic tangle of life suspended in death, a stark, skeletal boundary against the blankness of the winter morning.

Closer, its form resolved into a thousand thorny limbs, a web of hawthorn and blackthorn clawing at the frigid air. Every single twig, no matter how slender, was exquisitely encased in a sheath of crystalline frost. It was a delicate, ghostly armour, sparkling with a cold, internal fire wherever the weak sun managed to touch it. Gossamer threads left by long-gone spiders had been transformed into glittering necklaces, and the vicious thorns were now blunted, becoming tiny, glittering daggers of ice. The entire structure looked like a frozen explosion; a moment of violent growth captured and held static by the unforgiving cold.

And then, the colour. Scattered amongst the intricate latticework of silver and black were the berries – defiant jewels of crimson. They clung to the branches like the last drops of the year’s blood, a visceral reminder of autumn’s vitality. Each one wore a delicate cap of frost, a tiny crown of ice that paradoxically seemed to intensify its deep red hue. They were a final, desperate shout of life against the encroaching silence of winter, a promise that warmth and colour had not abandoned the world entirely, but were merely sleeping.

The silence here was not empty; it was a heavy blanket that muffled all but the sharpest sounds. The brittle crunch of my own feet on the frozen ground seemed offensively loud. A thin, reedy wind whispered through the branches, a lonely, ethereal sound that spoke of immense, empty spaces. It was the only movement in this frozen tableau. My own breath plumed before me – a fleeting, white ghost in the permanent chill – and I felt a profound sense of stillness, as if I were the only living thing watching over the world’s quiet slumber.

Option B:

From his vantage point on the fifty-second floor, Alistair watched the relentless flow of traffic, a river of light that snaked through the concrete canyons below. The city did not sleep; it simply pulsed with a different kind of energy after dark, a low hum of ambition and perpetual movement. His apartment was an immaculate cage of glass and chrome, a silent testament to his success. He adjusted the knot of his silk tie, the fabric cool and soulless beneath his fingers. Outside, the distant cacophony of sirens was muted by triple-glazed windows, rendering the chaos of the streets into a sterile, moving picture. He was a master of this universe – a universe built of glass, steel, and ruthless ambition.

Hundreds of miles away, where the land crumbled into a furious sea, Elara felt the bite of the wind on her cheeks. Her world was not silent. It was a symphony of survival, conducted by the crashing waves and the melancholic cries of the gulls that wheeled overhead. She hauled a heavy lobster pot onto the damp shale of the shore, her hands raw and calloused from the coarse rope. There was no glass here to keep the world at bay; there was only the vast, indifferent expanse of the sky and the cold spray of the Atlantic that clung to her eyelashes like tiny diamonds. Her small cottage, perched precariously on the cliff edge, was a fortress not of wealth, but of resilience.

Alistair looked at his reflection in the dark glass. The man who stared back was impeccably dressed, sharp-edged, and entirely a stranger. He saw the faint lines of fatigue etched around his eyes, the only testament to the relentless pressure that defined his existence. His world was a series of closing deals, of market fluctuations, of ephemeral gains and losses that felt monumental in the moment but meant nothing to the silent, watching stars. He felt a sudden, hollow ache; a longing for something he couldn't name.

Elara paused, her gaze fixed on the horizon where the bruised purple of the twilight sky met the churning grey of the water. The sea was her partner and her adversary; it gave and it took with equal, dispassionate force. She tasted salt on her lips and felt a visceral connection to the rhythm of the tide, a pulse as old as time itself. A lone light flickered from a distant ship, a fragile spark in the immense darkness. For a fleeting moment, she wondered about the life attached to that light, a life so utterly removed from her own, yet existing under the very same sky.

• Level 3 Upper (16-18 marks for AO5, 9-12 marks for AO6, 25-30 marks total)

Option A:

The hedgerow stood as a silent sentinel, guarding the edge of the sleeping field. Its branches, a skeletal web of black and grey, were coated in a delicate layer of frost. This intricate lacework of ice glittered whenever the weak winter sun managed to break through the overcast sky; it was nature’s own fragile jewellery. The entire structure seemed frozen in time, a brittle and beautiful monument to the cold.

The frost clung to every available surface. Each individual twig was outlined perfectly; every thorn was a tiny, sharp spear of ice. You could see the miniature crystals that had formed overnight, transforming the drab, forgotten hedgerow into something magical. Below the frozen canopy, a few remaining leaves were trapped in the branches, their edges frosted like a cake dusted with sugar. A cold, sharp silence hung in the air, broken only by the quiet crunch of my own boots on the frozen ground.

Against this monochrome world, clusters of berries burned with vibrant colour. These were small beads of defiant red, puncturing the pale canvas like drops of fresh blood on snow. They were a promise of life in the midst of the deep winter sleep – a much-needed feast for the robin or blackbird brave enough to face the cold. Unlike the thorny branches surrounding them, the berries seemed warm, a tiny, glowing heart within the icy tangle.

Beyond the hedgerow, the field extended into the haze, its surface a solid, unbroken sheet of white. The air was so still you could almost hear the frost itself settling. The world seemed paused, holding its breath and waiting for the thaw. It was a beautiful, but lonely, kind of perfection.

Option B:

The city hummed fifty storeys below. Alistair adjusted his silk tie, the knot a perfect, unyielding diamond, as he gazed out of the floor-to-ceiling window at the sprawling metropolis. Down there, the noise was a cacophony of sirens and horns; up here, it was a muted, distant thrum. His office was a sanctuary of minimalist white; the only colour was the aggressive red line of the stock market graph flickering on his monitor. He took a sip of his espresso – bitter, strong and black – and the polished mahogany of his desk gleamed under the recessed lighting. His world was orderly, predictable, and entirely of his own making.

Fifty storeys below, Maeve felt the city’s hum not as a distant whisper but as a constant, grating vibration through the damp cardboard she sat on. She pulled her thin coat tighter, a coat as grey and weary as the clouds above. Her sanctuary was a recessed doorway, offering meagre protection from the wind that snaked viciously down the street. The bitter scent of exhaust fumes, not coffee, filled her lungs. Her world was this five-foot patch of pavement, a space she had to fight for every day. Unlike Alistair’s, it was chaotic, unpredictable, and entirely out of her control.

He watched the people on the street, tiny figures scurrying like ants on their own urgent, insignificant errands. They were a problem to be factored into traffic flow, nothing more. She occasionally glanced up at the tower that pierced the sky – an indifferent giant of glass and steel that blocked out the morning sun. She saw the flash of a light in a high window and wondered what it would be like to be that far from the ground, that far from the grit and the grime. He turned away, his mind on a multi-million-pound merger. She huddled deeper into her coat, her mind on where to find her next meal.

• Level 3 Lower (13-15 marks for AO5, 9-12 marks for AO6, 22-27 marks total)

Option A:

The hedgerow snaked its way beside the field, a skeletal barrier against the pale winter sky. Its branches were a tangled, chaotic mess of dark, thin lines, each one painstakingly coated in a layer of sharp, crystalline frost. In the weak afternoon light, it didn't melt but instead glittered with a cold fire, as if the thorns themselves were made of glass. It looked beautiful, but also menacing. The air was so still and frigid it felt solid, a block of ice you had to push through, and each breath you took was a visible white cloud.

Amongst the chaos of thorns and twigs, tiny bursts of colour were clutched desperately to the branches. Clusters of scarlet berries looked like drops of blood spilt upon the snow-white frost; they were the only sign of real life in this whole frozen world. I imagined a robin, its own chest a splash of defiant red, seeing these as a vital feast. They were nature's jewels, precious and defiant in a world that had surrendered to a deep, icy sleep. They promised life could continue, even in the harshest of times.

Beyond the hedge, the farmer's field stretched out towards the woods on the horizon. It was a solid plate of frozen mud, the deep ruts from the last harvest now frozen into hard ridges. The ground was hard as iron. There were no sounds of life; not a single creature dared to move in the bitter cold. The only sound was the wind, which whispered endless secrets as it slithered through the hedge's stiff leaves. The silence felt heavy, a waiting silence, as if the whole world was holding its breath for a spring that felt a lifetime away.

It was a painting of stillness. Beautiful, yet lonely. A perfect, frozen moment where everything was held in place by winter's unforgiving grip.

Option B:

From the fortieth floor, the city sprawled below him like a toy set, a silent, orderly world he commanded from behind his gleaming mahogany desk. Arthur adjusted his silk tie, his suit immaculate despite the long day. He didn't enjoy the view; he simply used it to measure his success. Below, tiny cars moved in perfect lines and the people were invisible dots. His driver, a man whose name he’d forgotten, held the door open to the back of the Bentley. The leather seats were cool against his skin as the car pulled silently away from the curb.

Down on the street, the world wasn't silent. It was a frantic symphony of car horns, shouting, and the constant smell of exhaust fumes. Leo wiped sweat from his forehead with the back of a hand covered in grime. Every muscle in his body ached - a familiar pain he had come to expect after ten hours on the building site. He clutched his worn backpack, its contents just a half-eaten sandwich and a water bottle. All he wanted was to get on the packed bus and fall asleep.

The Bentley stopped suddenly, caught in the gridlock traffic of early evening. Arthur sighed, annoyed at the delay. He glanced impatiently out of the tinted window and his gaze fell on a young man on the pavement, leaning against a lamp post. The man wore a yellow high-vis jacket, faded and stained, and his face was streaked with dirt. For a brief second, their eyes met through the glass; one pair bored and impatient, the other weary and distant. Then the traffic moved, and the moment, like a popped bubble, was gone. Two different worlds, continuing on their separate paths.

• Level 2 Upper (10-12 marks for AO5, 5-8 marks for AO6, 15-20 marks total)

Option A:

The hedgerow stood like a jagged line between the white field and the pale grey sky. The air was cold and sharp. It felt like the whole world was holding its breath, frozen under a thick blanket of winter frost. Everything was completely silent. The usual chirping sounds of the countryside were gone, buried under the heavy stillness of the morning. It was a very empty place to be.

Closer to the hedgerow, you could see it was a messy tangle of bare, skeletal branches. They twisted and reached out like spiky fingers, pointing in all directions. A delicate layer of frost clung to every single twig, it looked like the whole thing had been dusted with fine sugar. Dotted among the tangle of white and brown were bright red berries. They glowed like tiny jewels on the branches, a sudden and welcome splash of scarlet in a world that was mostly white and grey.

A little robin suddenly landed on a branch, its red chest was just as bright as the berries. It looked around for a second, then it was gone in a flash of wings, leaving the branch trembling. The silence was broken only by the faint crunch of my own feet on the frozen ground. The winter sun gave no real warmth, it just made the frost on every surface glitter and sparkle. It was beautiful but it was also a cold and lonely place. But it was very peaceful too.

Option B:

The back of the sleek limousine was silent, apart from the soft hum of the engine. Amelia stared out of the tinted window, watching the city lights blur into long streaks of red and gold. Her expensive leather briefcase sat beside her on the seat, it was full of important papers for her meeting. She felt anxious. She tapped her polished shoes on the deep carpet impatiently, wishing the traffic would just move! This deal was massive. Champagne waited for her in a silver bucket of ice, but the thought of it just made her feel sick.

Outside, Tom trudged along the wet pavement. Icy rain dripped from his messy hair and ran down his neck, his thin coat was completely soaked through. It wasn't much protection from the wind. His stomach grumbled loudly like a distant storm. He looked at the luxuryous shops with their bright lights and warm displays, they seemed like another world entirely. All he wanted was a hot drink and somewhere dry to sleep. He clutched the few coins in his pocket, not nearly enough for anything.

Suddenly, the black limousine stoped right beside him. For just one second, his eyes met the eyes of the smart woman inside, her face was lit up by her phone. She was staring out into the rain, but he knew she wasn't really seeing him at all. To her, he was just another shadow on the street. To him, she was a glimpse of a different life. They were two people seperated by a single piece of glass, and by a world of difference.

• Level 2 Lower (7-9 marks for AO5, 5-8 marks for AO6, 12-17 marks total)

Option A:

The hedge was covered in white frost, it looked very cold. Its branches were thin and spiky, pointing up to the grey sky. The frost was like a delicate blanket of sugar that covered everything. Amongst the white branches were bright red berries. They looked like little dots of paint on a white picture. They were the only colour you could see. So bright.

Also, it was very quiet. There was no wind and no noise just a sharp cold feel in the air. When I breathed out, my breath made a little white cloud in front of me. Suddenly a small robin landed on the hedge. It looked around for a second and then flew away, leaving everything silent again. The silence was quite strange.

The field next to the hedge was empty. It was covered in the same white frost and looked hard and frozen. You couldn't see any green grass at all, everything was just white and pale. The whole place felt a bit empty and lonely, but it was also beutiful in its own way. It was a proper winters day.

Option B:

Mr Harrison sat in his expensive car. The leather seats were very comfortable and the music was on low. He was stuck in traffic, he was going to be late for his important meeting. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel getting annoyed. He looked out of the gleaming window at all the people on the street. He didn't like being in this part of the city. He sighed loudly. Why did this always have to happen to him.

Outside on the pavement, Leo shivered. The wind was getting stronger and he pulled his thin jumper tighter around him. He watched the cars go past. They all looked so shiny and warm inside. He was hungry his stomach rumbled again. A big black car was stopped right next to him. He could see a man inside who looked very cross about something. Leo just wished he had a warm coat, or could find somewhere dry to get out of the cold for a little while.

• Level 1 Upper (4-6 marks for AO5, 1-4 marks for AO6, 5-10 marks total)

Option A:

The hedge was white with frost. it was very cold to touch. All the branches was pointy and sharp with ice. The frost was like sugar on all the twigs and leafs. I could see my breth in the air it was like a cloud. The sun was out but it was not warm at all. just bright.

There was red berrys all over the hedge. They looked bright, the red berrys was like little red sweets stuck on. a bird came and sat on a branch. it looked at the berrys but it didnt eat them. maybe it was to cold. The bird made a little noise and then it flyed away.

The feild next to the hedge was quiet and big. The ground was hard like a rock you could not dig it. It was all white with the frost everywhere you looked. It was a very wintery day.

Option B:

Mr Jones was very rich. He drove his big expensive car down the street. The car was red. He was warm inside the car, he had the heating on and he listened to a cd. He was going home to his big house for his dinner. He didn't see a woman walking on the path.

Sarah was cold. The rain made her thin coat very wet. her shoes was old and had a hole in them. She was walking home from her job at the cafe. It was a long walk and her feet hurt. She was just thinking about a nice warm cup of tea. She didnt look at the fancy red car that splashed her as it went past. Their lifes were very diffrent and they never met.

• Level 1 Lower (1-3 marks for AO5, 1-4 marks for AO6, 2-7 marks total)

Option A:

the hedgrow is white with ice and it is cold. there are red berrys on the branchs they look bright. the feild is next door it is all frosty. the twigs are very sharp and bare. i like walking here its quiet and i can see my breth in the air. a bird might come soon for the berrys. winter is a cold time. the sun is not very bright.

Option B:

John was a rich man. he had a big house and a fast car and a good job he was happy. Sarah was a poor girl she lived in a small flat. she was very sad and she dont have a job. one day they was in the same town but they never see each other. john was in his car and she was on the street. it was cold outside. He was warm. Sarah was cold and wet from the rain. Life was not fair for her.